Lyrics adapted from Last Saskatchewan Pirate by Jake Nelson. Lyrics in brackets apply to Melbourne.
And it’s a heave-ho, hi-ho, comin’ down the plains
Stealin’ wheat and barley and all the other grains
It’s a ho-hey, hi-hey farmers bar yer doors
When ya see the Jolly Roger on Nepean’s (alt: the Yarra’s) mighty shores
I used to be a farmer, and I made a living fine
I had a little stretch of land along the Western (alt: Hurstbridge) Line
But times were hard and though I tried, the money wasn’t there
And the bankers came and took my land and told me “fair is fair”
I looked for every kind of job, the answer always no
“Hire you now?” they’d always laugh, “We just let twenty go!”
The government, they promised me a measly little sum
But I’ve got too much pride to end up just another bum.
Then I thought, who gives a damn if all the jobs are gone?
I’m gonna be a pirate on the river Nepean (alt: on the Yarra river’s run)!
And it’s a heave-ho, hi-ho, comin’ down the plains
Stealin’ wheat and barley and all the other grains
It’s a ho-hey, hi-hey farmers bar yer doors
When ya see the Jolly Roger on Nepean’s (alt: the Yarra’s) mighty shores
Well, you’d think the local farmers would know that I’m at large
But just the other day I found an unprotected barge
I snuck up right behind them and they were none the wiser,
I rammed their ship and sank it and I stole their fertiliser!
A bridge outside of Penrith (alt: Heidelberg) spans a mighty river
Farmers cross in so much fear their stomachs are a’quiver
Cause they know that Tractor Jack is hidin’ in the bay
I’ll jump the bridge and knock them cold and sail off with their hay!
And it’s a heave-ho, hi-ho, comin’ down the plains
Stealin’ wheat and barley and all the other grains
It’s a ho-hey, hi-hey farmers bar yer doors
When ya see the Jolly Roger on Nepean’s (alt: the Yarra’s) mighty shores
Well, Sergeant Bob he chased me, he was always at my throat
He followed on the shoreline ‘cause he didn’t own a boat
But cutbacks were a’coming and the copper lost his job
So now he’s sailing with us, and we call him Salty Bob!
A swingin’ sword, a skull and bones and pleasant company
I never pay my income tax and screw the GST (Screw it!)
Sailin’ down to Campbelltown (alt: Williamstown), the terror of the seas
If you wanna reach the Woolies, boy, you gotta get by me!
And it’s a heave-ho, hi-ho, comin’ down the plains
Stealin’ wheat and barley and all the other grains
It’s a ho-hey, hi-hey farmers bar yer doors
When ya see the Jolly Roger on Nepean’s (alt: the Yarra’s) mighty shores
Well, pirate life’s appealing but you don’t just find it here
I hear that up in Queensland there’s a band of buccaneers
They roam the Brisbane River from Ipswich to Moreton Bay
And you’re gonna lose your sunnies if you have to pass their way!
Well, summer is a’comin’ and the heat’s become a fright
My pirate days are over once the mozzies start to bite
I’ll be back in autumn but for now you’ll have to wait
I hear there’s lots of plunderin’ away down in Bass Strait!
And it’s a heave-ho, hi-ho, comin’ down the plains
Stealin’ wheat and barley and all the other grains
It’s a ho-hey, hi-hey farmers bar yer doors
When ya see the Jolly Roger on Nepean’s (alt: the Yarra’s) mighty shores
